mightyfastpig

12:06 am: My ibogaine story in Utne reader
My article on the use of ibogaine for drug addiction treatment at Iboga Therapy House (or rather an excerpt from it) is now online in the Utne Reader.

My non-fiction output has gone to hell the last few months. I'm still allegedly working on a book review, but I'm averaging about a page a week on the book. (Guess the book isn't grabbing me very well.)



Tags: work, writing

10:17 am: Latest book review
My review of Cory Doctorow's YA novel Little Brother is now up on the Tyee.

I've got a quick informational piece for the Courier on the go as well. My current temp job is doing customer service via phone and email for a photo processing web site, which I do 2pm-10pm Thursday to Monday. It messes up my circadian rhythms, such as eating a full dinner in the afternoon and sandwiches at night) and by 10pm, everything is closed. It's also putting a crimp in my social life and I have to keep giving up work days for family events and MVK stuff.

You'd think that having full access to other people's online photo albums would be interesting, but frankly, one set of baby pictures looks pretty much like any other. I suppose it is the "All happy families..." principle at work.

Slick last night was... well, I have mixed feelings about it. Attendance was pretty good, considering it was a new and different event on a weeknight. We scheduled it from 7pm-1am, but after about 11pm, the only people coming in were the venue's regulars. Another significant issue is the meeting of two very different cultures: one in which you're supposed to keep a fair distance from people playing and only get involved with an explicit invitation, the other in which the safe distance is much smaller and joining in is much more casual. A third point is that MVK's Vancouver Dungeon parties are held in an auditorium, in which everybody can see everything. Slick had public areas, but most of the action was in the private rooms.

On the upside, I like the lockers, and I enjoyed the earlier phase of the night, when lots of MVK people were arriving and getting to know the venue. The people seemed to enjoy themselves.

Tags: work, writing

09:26 am: My article on sex work decriminalization
To my surprise, my article on the decriminalization of sex work in Vancouver is up on the Tyee, front page top story no less. (Thanks, David!)

This is my first news-feature in a while, and I got a little nervous about covering such a complicated issue with so many divergent points of view and strong feelings attached.

Personally, I'm in favor of decriminalization. When you look at the people who are being chewed up and spat out by the sex industry, that's not an issue of sex, that's an issue of poverty. The prostitution is just the most visible and emotionally charged aspect of the larger social problems of drug addiction and poverty. I once had an argument with a friend who didn't understand why I didn't consider banning child pornography a higher priority, when she considered it essential to protecting children. I explained that, of all the children living in wretched and exploitative conditions in the world, most of them don't end up on film. Better child protection laws would help far more children than cracking down on child porn and weakening freedom of expression.

The sex industry is, if you'll pardon the expression, a "dark continent." Everybody knows it exists, but there is little hard information on how many people are involved, how much money moves through it, how the people within it behave. In the absence of facts, there are myths and legends, some romantic and some horrifying, propagated by a special, liminal caste of people who are not natives and who simplify a vast, diverse and complicated culture into simplistic narratives.

The really interesting development in this story is people who are sex workers forming their own organizations and speaking for themselves. That's the only way the sex industry and the people in it can stop being abject pariahs, the dark underworld.

No comments have yet been posted on the Tyee story, but I anticipate some strong feelings.

Tags: journalism, work, writing

11:14 pm: My ibogaine story finally online
After about a year and a half, I finally published a story based on my research on ibogaine, an experimental treatment for drug addiction. It's in the July-August issue of THIS magazine.

I've been very busy the last few days, between temping, MVK meetings and trying to finish the three Tyee assignments I agreed to in a fit of optimism. I did submit the review of Cory Doctorow's Little Brother on time, but the prostitution decriminalization story is taking a while, and I haven't even started the other book review.

Plus I need to revise and expand my steampunk erotica story by Monday.

Tags: work, writing

11:00 am: Latest presentation a sucess
My BDSM history presentation at the Art of Loving last night went surprisingly well. A friend came through with the LCD projector, which always makes it better. I've done it with only my laptop screen before, but it doesn't work with more than a few people.

Even though only two people registered in advance, six people attended. Why, oh why do people not register in advance for something when every newspaper announcement, blog post and other piece of promotion I made say that registration is necessary? If there isn't at least two people registered at the venue, it won't go ahead.

I try to add new material every time I do it, and this time I added a lot more modern material: the founding of early hetero organizations in the early 1970s, professional artisans and publishers around the same time, the pansexual movement beginning with the NLA in 1987. A lot of this was based on my interview with Jack McGeorge.

I wonder how close I am to having enough material for a book? I don't know. In theory I could research this forever, adding new material, but accumulation of data is not the same as writing. To do the book justice, I think I'd have to travel, to the Leather Archives in Chicago and probably the Kinsey Institute archive in Indiana, and do some really solid research. Also hopefully track down people who were involved in the early days of the hetero Scene and interview them.

Tags: history, presentation, work

12:52 pm: Paths to the future
On Thursday, I met with an editor who's been a great support to my career over the years. Over chai latte and tea in a coffee shop on the margin of gentrification of the Downtown Eastside, he told me something that was considerable food for thought.

The way to make it through the fabled dollar-per-word barrier of freelancing, he says, is adopting one of two strategies:

The first is the path of the stylist. You develop literary chops and practice Tom Wolfe-style New Journalism. What you write about is less important than your particular artistic interpretation of it. You build a literary reputation and get called upon by editors for assignments.

The second is the expert. You develop in-depth knowledge of and contacts in a particular field so you can stay abreast of new developments and be ahead of the curve. You become known to editors as the go-to person for that topic. Write enough features on something, and that can eventually turn into a book deal or speaking engagements.

Of the two, the former sounds like the harder path. Literary stars come and go, decided by the vagaries of fashion. Expertise has staying power. Secondly, trying to write stylistically sounds exhausting, as if it isn't hard enough to write at all. More utilitarian prose is less flashy but is more accessible.

I have my niche topic, actually my niche of a niche topic, but the editor suggest that I have broader interest expertise: sex and tech. However, I have no interest in writing relationship advice or tech journalism pieces either.

Tags: journalism, work, writing

09:29 pm: That sickening feeling
My latest non-fiction work, a review of Matt Mason's The Pirate's Dilemma, is now live on the Tyee.

Over the past year or so, my freelancing traffic has dropped significantly. There are several causes for this: MVK duties, an illness in the family, a relatively steady run of temp work, but a lot of it is just demoralization.

I received a call from the editor about making a last minute addition to the piece, with a few hours notice. This was not a difficult task, as it would only involve a paragraph or two and it concerned an event I was already following in the news. I finished it ahead of deadline and even had time for a quick polish as well.

The problem was that I felt sick afterwards, like I'd been in a car accident or some other sudden situation of violence. The tired yet jittery hangover of an adrenaline rush. I think this was because the thought of making a mistake put me into a fight or flight reaction.

Writing fiction doesn't do that me. (With that, what holds me back is the lack of belief it will matter to anyone, even if published.) Journalism, however, has the potential to hurt someone if done poorly. When I see examples of incompetent or corrupt journalism, I take it personally. And when I make mistakes, it hits me hard. Fear of that holds me back.

The other piece of writing I'm working on now is an erotica/social science fiction piece for Circlet Press' steampunk anthology. I have a soft spot for Circlet Press, as they published one of my very first fiction pieces years ago, and it was a white elephant piece that was significantly longer than the other pieces in the anthology. It qualified as a novelette. Yet, they published it, and even put it at the end of the anthology. The piece I'm working on, The Innocent's Progress, is something I'm quite proud of, but it's a neither-fish-nor-fowl piece that I don't know if it could be published anywhere else. With this, what's holding me back is the thought of it not being accepted: not erotic enough, not fantastic enough, not steampunk enough.

I've been researching Victorian theatres for the past few days, so I will put in as much setting detail as possible, then print it on Tuesday and send it off.

Tags: work, writing

12:22 pm: Open letter to everyone who uses a word processor application
Actually, this is more intended for those who use word processors to write anything beyond letters and the like.

If you are or ever will write anything with multiple sections, headers or any other kind of formatting...

Please, please, please learn how to use styles and templates.

I know there's a bit of a learning curve. I know that MS Word can be a pain in this regard, particularly if you want to use bullet or number lists, or tables. I know that it requires a mental shift to separate the content of a document from its form, but it's worth it. Styles, done properly, make a huge difference in cleaning up and formatting a document, turning tedious drudge work into a quick delight. Imagine not having to hunt through an entire document and make individual changes because you want your headers to be 2pts larger. Imagine having a constantly updated roadmap of your entire document you can refer to in a side pane.

MS Word, like it or not, is the default, and I believe that the vast majority of users understand only a tiny fraction of its total abilities. They may also know how to use a particular function that directly relates to their work, such as mail merges, but they don't know the deeper functions that are applicable to many different uses. Styles should be understood as fundamental to using the application, as fundamental as layers are to Photoshop or formulas are to Excel. And yet, they aren't.

This goes for OpenOffice.org Writer (basically an MS Word clone) users and users of any other word processing software that includes the function.

Tags: work, writing

09:07 am: Update
I'm still at home, still feeling just crappy enough that I shouldn't go to work.

In the mixed blessings category, I've been informed by the temp agency that it's okay if I stay home Friday and rest. It won't affect my job evaluation, and the company I was working for said they were very impressed with what I did on the 1 2/3rds day I was there.

The downside is that I was counting on the money from this week of work for April rent. My landlord has been very understanding many times in the past, but it's something I'd rather not make a habit of.

Still, I'm catching up on some stuff, working on the second draft of "The Innocent's Progress" and some other things. I should really thank my Grade 12 English teacher for having us read Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll's House", which I reference in my story's new ending. It's kind of like how my second year History prof at UBC introduced my to the life writings of Arthur Munby and Hannah Cullwick, who are a big part of my history book project.

Tags: work

10:05 am: Murphy's law, sick days and first impressions
Day two of staying home sick: fatigue, sinus pressure, swollen throat, slight fever. I either got this from a friend at my writer's workshop on Monday night (if only I could get some of her talent as well) or at the temp job I started Monday.

Murphy's Law being what it is, this is a job that pays well, uses my skills of writing and print production, and might turn into something permanent. I didn't feel well Tuesday morning, but I figured I would chance it and went to work. By early afternoon, I felt awful and checked out early. However, the job is in an industrial park way out in eastern Richmond, and the bus that takes me home (an hour-long trip) didn't come by until 45 minutes after I left. I had to sneak into a golf course's lounge and pretend I belonged there to get out of the cold.

I guess it's a question of which makes a least bad impression: coming to work sick on your first week or staying home sick on your first week.

I'm not positive I want to work there, I'll admit. Working there permanently would mean 2 hours a weekday commuting, and getting up at 6:30 am. I wish I could be sanguine about this and say, "Well, if it doesn't work out, there will be other opportunities," but I'm not that confident.

So, do I try to make it back to work on Friday?

Tags: work

12:11 am: My hand in the stream
Sometimes time flows, and sometimes time grinds.

Things have not been easy the past few weeks: money, work, personal stuff. A story I've been working on since last spring seems to get harder with every interview. I've been offered a kill fee, but I want to finish the damned thing and get it in print. Trying to sell it somewhere else will probably mean that those editors will have the same problems as the current editors.

I bought a RAM upgrade for my laptop off eBay, and when I asked for technical support, the seller gave me a phone number that turned out to be an advertising line for phone sex.

I was supposed to give a presentation Thursday evening, and arrived at the venue only to find that nobody there knew I was coming, and there had been no promotion. Not a huge deal, but it left me with a big buildup of energy and nothing to release it. Just another tightened screw in me.

Everything inside me feels twisted, misaligned, blocked. Snarls in the tubes, grit in the gears, dust in the connections. Nothing works right. Simple actions feel tiring, even damaging.

Though I think of myself as a person who disdains pastoral imagery, I remember (imagine?) a stream in the woods once, Cold, clear water ran through it, fast and strong but without any churn or froth, silent. But if I put my hand beneath the water, just cold enough that the initial contact was stronger than the numbness, with my palm perpendicular to the flow, I can feel the current pressing on my hand, strong and direct and constant. I push back a little, putting my hand and the current in a vibrating equilibrium, a resonance beneath human hearing.

Tags: work

09:16 pm: Notes from a mammal politician

Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects... don't have politics. They're very... brutal. No compassion, no compromise. We can't trust the insect. I'd like to become the first... insect politician. Y'see, I'd like to, but... I'm afraid.

The Fly, written and directed by David Cronenberg

Whenever I get stressed out over working in MVK, trying to make everybody happy, viewing every glitch as a personal failure, I try to remember the words of poor, doomed Seth Brundle. Politics is, I think, a mammalian trait. If you have politics with someone, you aren't brutalizing them. The interpersonal friction is all part of the job, like filling in time sheets and dealing with an office with no kettle to boil water for tea. The upside of this, and one of the main reasons MVK is a society and not a society organization, is that the institution is more capable and more robust than the sum of the individuals who comprise it. (Take note, Vijay.)

Now that the one-two hit of the January party and the Taboo trade show is over, I wanted to think more about what I'm going to do this year. One thing I could do is focus more on Beauty In Darkness: finish a draft of it, get it critiqued by people I trust, solicit a few recommendations and self-publish it, as one option. That means working on my own publicity, doing my own book tours, micro-targeting marketing. The upside is I keep whatever pennies I earn and I don't have to deal with the publishing industry.

Another option is to think about is leaving Vancouver, in favor of Toronto, the UK or New York or San Francisco, in order to get more writing work. That would mean abandoning MVK, which is really my strongest reason to stay in this city.

Tags: advice for vijay, work, writing

11:56 pm: When can I rest?
I got the story finished, though it was 1100 words instead of the 800-1000 specified. 1000 words is shorter than I remember. No response to the email yet.

The first full meeting of the executive board went pretty well. We didn't get half of the agenda done, but I've come to expect that the wheels of organizations turn slowly. The real pain will be the big party this Saturday. I have more confidence in my board mates.

And I'm still dragging myself out to Richmond and back every day. Tack on a trip to the hospital to visit Dad every few days too.

I finally have a face to face meeting with Dad's doctor on Friday. Hopefully we can get some answers about what's going on and what to do about it.

Tags: dad, family, vdsc, work, writing

12:01 am: My history presentation
My presentation at the Art of Loving on Tuesday night went very well. Nine people attended, and there was a good audience interest and feedback questions.

I'm not sure what I did right. People cited seeing it in Xtra West and the Georgia Straight, but I did that last time. I put out a lot of flyers this time, but I'm not sure flyers do any good at all. Maybe it was just timing.

Even better, two people from the history department at UBC attended, and one said she taught Victorian history and might have brought me in as a guest lecturer. That would be such a treat if I could lecture at UBC or SFU.

Tags: history, work

03:40 pm: Shameless self-promotion
I don't actually have a website promoting my writing, which I've decided I probably need. I want to capitalize on whatever interest comes my way from the short-short story and other projects. My fiction credits are paltry compared to my non-fiction work.

However, problem one is that I've never managed to get the personal web space that comes with my ADSL account to work. Hopefully the tech support guys will help me with this.

Problem two is that I've never registered a domain before and I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'd hate to pay money I can barely afford on something I can't use.

Problem three is that now that the Vancouver Courier's site has been amalgamated into the Canada.com site, all my old articles are unavailable. They're trapped behind a paywall on the Financial Post website, for $4.95 an article (which is outrageous) and I can't directly link to them. I've heard from people in the Courier that this is a royal pain for them too, because the writers and editors can't search their own newspaper's archives anymore.

Anyway, I'll have something up in the way of a promo site by September.

Tags: fiction, work, writing

02:13 pm: My first fiction sale in a long time
I sold my short-short story, "Rootless", to Every Day Fiction, a new flash fiction. It will be in the first week of publication in September, hopefully when the interest will be at the maximum.

The story grew out of my journalism, and about a fictionalized version of a real entheogenic substance, ibogaine.

This is my first fiction sale in probably more than ten years. I think part of the problem for that is that fiction pays very little these days (Every Day pays US$1.00) and I decided I should devote my writing efforts to paying projects.

I'll post a note when it's online.

Tags: fiction, work, writing

11:36 pm: A solution, of the stopgap variety
I have a solution to my job concerns, of a sort. I've signed on to do 6 months of data entry as a temp job. It's downtown, $13.50/hr, and I've worked at the place before, which was pretty nice. The commute is easy, too. Lacking any better option, I've signed on. At the very least, I can pay off some old bills and catch up on the rent. Now I just need to squeak through the next week or two.

The problem is that it isn't a "real job": no benefits and no possibility for advancement, and it ends after 6 months. Now, I just don't know what to do with myself: find something here, go to another city or overseas, or something else.

I think one of the reasons I'm demoralized is that I feel like I have been fired for no apparent reason, regardless of job performance or loyalty. Back in May, I was told I would have 2 days of work per week, and I haven't had a single one yet. I was also told that things might resume as before in July, but I will be very surprised if that comes true. My only other real experience with a "real job" also ended with me getting canned for no good reason. This leads me to believe that "employment" and "security" seldom go together.

At Father's day dinner, my Dad told me that he'd accepted that, unlike my career-and-family brother, I was living an alternative life. I don't have any particular hankering for domesticity. I would like an end to financial insecurity, and if I could somehow make writing a part of that, that would be great.

Tags: work

04:09 pm: History of BDSM on Juicebox Radio, June 13, 10pm PST
My first radio interview for my BDSM history project will be on Juicebox Radio, Wednesday, June 13th, 10PM Pacific time, on UBC's community radio station CITR (live feed). They also podcast, which I'll try to post here when I can.

Tags: bdsm, history, radio, work

11:13 pm: That green and sceptered isle
I found out today that to get a UK passport, not only do I have to send my original ID papers (not copies) and my mom's originals too, but they keep them for about a month and they charge $300 for it. Guess they're picky about immigrants. (Come to think of it, if I'm technically a citizen of the UK, do I need a UK passport?)

This isn't insurmountable (first bank of grandmother, if necessary) but it isn't something I can do because I might use it some day. I'd have to line up a job overseas.

In other news, I do have an interview tomorrow with the DTES people. Still a bit scared.

Why is it that the work, the hard, dirty, exhausting, hope-crushing work that needs to be done, that shows the true character of our society by how we treat our least fortunate members, is done by a tiny handful of underpaid, disrespected people? Like I deep saying, the easier the job is, the better it pays.

Tags: work

12:26 am: Things I could do

• Work towards getting the job helping with the rooming houses and pub in the Downtown Eastside. (And possibly have a nervous breakdown in 2 weeks.)
  
• Get my UK passport (my Mom is a British citizen, so I'm dual British-Canadian) and look for jobs in English speaking countries in the EU.
• Get a work visa to the US and go to San Francisco, New York or other city with a large publishing culture.
  
• Go to Toronto or Montreal and look for work in publishing.
• Hold out for a month on EI and temp work, then resume my job, which officialIy I still have.
  
• Apply for work at local newspapers or publishers.
• Apply for work in a local media venture.
  

There's not a lot holding me here in Vancouver. In principle, I could pack up my laptop and my tape recorder and work anywhere.

Tags: existential fear, work