mightyfastpig

03:47 pm: "...and cancel Christmas!"
Due to what may be remembered as "the winter of oh-eight", Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was pretty well scrubbed.

I was going to break with tradition and spend it with my brother and my sister-in-law and their two kids, instead of at my mother's place. However, a sudden temp job, much needed after no work last week, had me busy on Tuesday and Wednesday, and an exceptional amount of snowfall pretty much canceled that. My dad was supposed to drive me to my brother's house in Burnaby, but he was snowed in in Richmond. I was prepared to take the bus and Skytrain, but everything was jammed up. I probably could have tried, but I wouldn't have arrived until 10pm.

Instead, I splurged on a cab to my place, then took the bus to my mom's place. We're rescheduling Christmas dinner to Saturday or Sunday.

I used to love Christmas. Now, it just means wondering if I'll have enough work to make ends meet, and how much of a present I can buy for someone on my budget. I can't even appreciate It's a Wonderful Life on a camp level. I've begun to envy the people I know who don't celebrate Christmas at all. It's just a day off and some bargain-hunting opportunities for them.

Hopefully, when the real family event occurs later, I'll feel better about this.



Tags: family

09:40 am: Welcome to the world, Mira
My brother phoned me this morning to say that he and my sister-in-law are now the parents of their second child, Mira, a healthy newborn. Yay!

Tags: family

10:55 pm: Dad at Home
After 67 days in hospital, Dad has finally gone home to his condo.

Tags: dad, family

11:10 pm: Birthday and Dad news
Dad's going home this weekend, which is a tremendous relief for him and everybody else after over two months in hospital.

I am now 35 years old. I've been told that I look like I'm in my early 20s, which is nice to hear. My birthday is only 4 days before Hallowe'en, so it makes having a party difficult. I spent my birthday itself with my writer's workshop on our retreat at a country house in Roberts Creek. I've known some of the people in the workshop for twenty years or so, which is longer than nearly anything else I've been a part of in my life. The retreat was good for getting away from it all for three days, plus I got some writing done.

I did nothing for Hallowe'en, I'm sad to say, even though I had an invitation to a showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I'm just tired after working full time and getting up early, plus all the other personal and work things I've been dealing with. I was tempted to wear my collar to work, or even just my BIO t-shirt, but that would be pushing my luck and I need the money.

Thanks to all the people who said Happy Birthday to me.

Tags: dad, family

10:18 am: Upswing
Dad looks a lot better these days. We made up after the CD player incident, and I've been recording audio messages from him on my music player to send to friends and relations. He's almost got his own podcast.

All the stress of the past 6 weeks finally caught up with me on the weekend, right in the middle of Sin City on Saturday night, and I've just felt tired and sick since then. Trying to take it easy and recover.

Tags: dad, family

08:53 pm: Borrowing books on CD/tape
Does anyone have any books on CD or tape I could borrow?

My dad is still in hospital after more than a month, and it may be another month before he gets out. Listening to music or books on CD or tape would help alleviate the boredom. However, I don't have any audio books. Or rather, I don't think he'd enjoy my Red Dwarf and Monty Python recordings.

If the library was open (thank you, Mr. Mayor!), I'd get some there, but instead I have to prevail upon others. Does anyone have any books on CD or tape I could borrow? Preferably modern-day spy-thriller type stuff.

Tags: dad, family

11:56 pm: When can I rest?
I got the story finished, though it was 1100 words instead of the 800-1000 specified. 1000 words is shorter than I remember. No response to the email yet.

The first full meeting of the executive board went pretty well. We didn't get half of the agenda done, but I've come to expect that the wheels of organizations turn slowly. The real pain will be the big party this Saturday. I have more confidence in my board mates.

And I'm still dragging myself out to Richmond and back every day. Tack on a trip to the hospital to visit Dad every few days too.

I finally have a face to face meeting with Dad's doctor on Friday. Hopefully we can get some answers about what's going on and what to do about it.

Tags: dad, family, vdsc, work, writing

10:14 am: My Dad
My dad has been in the hospital since Tuesday evening, in a windowless emergency ward room with walls the color of month-old bread.

I'm less concerned about the immediate situation than the long term issues. I feel bad that I let him down and abandoned him, seldom calling him, but I think he chose to live in Steveston on the southern edge of Richmond. That's a long way to go for me, as I don't drive, and buses don't go all the way there. His condo is a nice place, but it's a long way from everything. It isn't like you can step out for a walk and have parks or shops or anything. He isolated himself, in part.

That's why I hope he moves to a new place, somewhere in the city where there are places to go and I don't need to take an hour-long bus ride to see him. (I'll admit to my personal dislike of Richmond, too.) He needs support, but he also needs to ask for support.

Tags: dad, family

10:43 am: The hypothetical wayward daughter
The other day, my sister-in-law asked me what I would think, feel and do if my hypothetical daughter (let's call her "Florette") went into porn.

Assuming she was of legal age, there wouldn't be anything I could do about it, I said. I would be concerned that she'd know what she was doing, that she ensured her personal and financial safety and that she wasn't going to do something she'd regret a few years down the line. However, as she was an adult, there wouldn't be anything I could do to stop her.

What this ultimately came down to was my sister-in-law asking me if Florette getting into porn would bother me. I said it would, but there are plenty of other things people can do which worry their parents. Now, a day or two before this discussion, I offhandedly said of people in porn, "Every one of them has a mother." If I'm concerned about what might happen to Florette in the porn industry, why not those people?

I know enough about the porn industry to realize that some of the people who go into it are damaged, and that some who are in it get damaged or more so. However, I don't know them personally and I'm not related to them. I'm responsible (even if not legally) for Florette's well-being, which applies whether she does porn or whether she, say, takes up technical diving or something else dangerous. What Jenna Jameson does for a living, and whatever damage she may do to herself as a result, isn't my concern. I do think that sex workers should have better legal protections, from forces both inside and outside the industry.

Sure, if Florette told me, or if I found out, she was doing porn, I'd spend a few sleepless nights over it. That's what fathers do if they give a damn about their kids. I'd also trust that I had taught her well enough that she would do porn safely, sanely and consensually.

Tags: advice to vijay, family, pornography

02:23 am: the new addition
It's official. The new addition to the family is Vijay Bertram Tupper, born July 3rd.

Vijay is pronounced "vih-jay", not "VEE-jay".

Both mother and son are healthy and doing fine.

Tags: family

10:19 pm: Congratulations, Paul & Nilima
I want to congratulate my brother and my sister-in-law on the arrival of their son, Vijay! (Not sure about the surname or middle name yet.)

Way to go, all three of you!

Tags: birthday, family

12:35 am: Way to go, Paul!
I want to congratulate my brother for winning the Leslie Fox prize for numerical analysis in 2005. I have no idea what that means, but I take it on faith that it's good and he deserved it. Way to go, Paul!

On top of that, his wife is due to have their first child in the nest week or two, so he's got a lot going on now.

Tags: family

11:16 pm: advice to my future niece or nephew
My brother and his wife are expecting a baby early next month, and I have a bit of advice I want to pass on to my prospective niece or nephew:

When it comes to meeting someone you consider a romantic and/or sexual prospect, giving that other person your number (or email, or whatever we will be using in the year 2018 when my niece and/or nephew gets interested in such thing) is all well and good, but it is basically irrelevant. Get the other person's number. Without that, you've got nothing, and you're at the other person's mercy. With it, you have some degree of agency. Even if you call it and get a laundromat somewhere, you've got a hard fact to work with.

People may take other people's numbers and make vague noises about calling, but it is in no way an obligation or anything you can depend on. They make take your number with no intention whatsoever of calling back, out of a desire not to make a scene, or even some misguided benevolence to let you save face, but it's still an empty gesture.

I formulated this idea after giving out my number to someone I met Saturday night, and realized that I had no way of reaching her. Now, said person did, in fact, call me tonight, and I did appreciate that very much. There is even tentative talk of coffee next week. However, I made sure I got her number. Why? Insurance.

Tags: advice to vijay, family, gender